2007-12-20

An em dash is like someone trying to break up a fight between two words.     

(no explanation necessary)

[ 9 comments ]
2007-12-20

Using a semicolon is like barbecuing:     

I’m never quite sure I’m doing it correctly.

[ 10 comments ]
2007-12-19

Me learning how to bake would be like giving a pyromaniac a blowtorch:     

I manage to do enough damage without direct access to the poison.

[ 2 comments ]
2007-12-19

A good haircut is like a seat on the subway in the morning:     

It’s great when I get one, but I’ve given up on hoping for it, and am used to functioning without it.

[ 3 comments ]
2007-12-14

Drinking tea instead of coffee is like masturbating instead of having sex.     

(no explanation necessary)

[ 10 comments ]
2007-12-12

A world where Will Smith is the last human alive is like a bowl containing one M&M:     

Maybe it’d be better if it was empty.

[ 5 comments ]
2007-12-11

Comic Sans is like professional wrestling:     

You used to like it, but will only admit that around certain people.

[ 4 comments ]
2007-12-11

Watching bad improv comedy is like getting into a car accident:     

Every excruciating second seems to last for an hour, and, while you feel fortunate that you survived, you can’t stop thinking about how you could have avoided it.

[ 0 comments ]
2007-12-10

Raising a baby is like being lactose intolerant:     

You can’t enjoy the same things most people do, and your friends are kind of weirded out by it.

[ 3 comments ]
2007-12-07

Times New Roman is like the missionary position:     

It might be predictable, but it works.

[ 2 comments ]