2008-07-15

Body glitter is like mono:     

Don’t hug someone that has it unless you want some.

[ 3 comments ]
2008-07-14

Naming a child is like fitting in at a party:     

People usually screw up by trying too hard.

[ 0 comments ]
2008-06-16

Bringing your baby to a wedding is like being a designated driver:     

The odds of actually enjoying yourself are so low that you’re better off just staying home.

[ 6 comments ]
2008-06-09

Advertising is like porn (10):     

You shouldn’t stay in the same position for too long.

[ 3 comments ]
2008-06-05

Advertising is like porn (9):     

If it’s good, it transcends language.

[ 1 comments ]
2008-06-05

Advertising is like porn (8):     

Working in the industry will affect your family life at some point.

[ 1 comments ]
2008-06-04

Advertising is like porn (7):     

It creates careers for art-school dropouts.

[ 2 comments ]
2008-06-04

Advertising is like porn (6):     

The same concepts are endlessly recycled.

[ 1 comments ]
2008-06-04

Advertising is like porn (5):     

You fast-forward through the boring stuff.

[ 1 comments ]
2008-06-03

Advertising is like porn (4):     

The Internet took it to a whole new level.

[ 0 comments ]
2008-06-02

Advertising is like porn (3):     

It’s hard to transition out of.

[ 0 comments ]
2008-05-30

Advertising is like porn (2):     

They both have weird self-congratulatory award shows.

[ 0 comments ]
2008-05-29

Advertising is like porn (1):     

Only the people who create it are delusional enough to call it art.

[ 2 comments ]
2008-05-28

Shopping at Ikea is like returning to therapy:     

It feels like the right thing to to do, but then you get there and realize you aren’t adequately emotionally prepared.

[ 5 comments ]
2008-05-20

Fonts are like cologne:     

A bad choice speaks louder than a good one.

[ 6 comments ]
2008-05-20

Pharma copy is like an inside joke:     

It’s pointless without references.1

1. Much like this post.

[ 0 comments ]
2008-05-17

Ryan Seacrest is like celery:     

He’s involved in a lot of stuff, but never makes much of a difference.

[ 3 comments ]
2008-05-14

Apologies are like monsters:     

They’re only real if you believe in them.

[ 7 comments ]
2008-04-17

Facebook is like a gossipy friend with no interesting information.     

(no explanation necessary)

[ 15 comments ]
2008-04-14

Babies are like drunk men in bars:     

They only crave what’s in their immediate vicinity.

[ 3 comments ]
2008-02-08

Watching your baby projectile vomit for the first time is like witnessing a car accident:     

It’s mostly scary, but a little fascinating, assuming no one is seriously hurt.

[ 2 comments ]
2008-02-04

Using Helvetica is like owning a Mac:     

It looks so cool that you never bother to stop and think if you really need to.

[ 8 comments ]
2008-01-09

Starbucks is like that crazy ex-girlfriend you still get together with:     

You hate yourself for going back, but the familiarity makes it convenient, and until you find something better, it’s all you’ve got.

[ 7 comments ]
2008-01-02

Filling out a timesheet from three weeks ago is like trying to put together the events of a drunken evening:     

You’re never really sure what you did.

[ 7 comments ]
2008-01-02

Wikipedia is like hearing a great story in a bar:     

You hope it’s true, but never bother confirming it.

[ 5 comments ]
2007-12-20

An em dash is like someone trying to break up a fight between two words.     

(no explanation necessary)

[ 8 comments ]
2007-12-20

Using a semicolon is like barbecuing:     

I’m never quite sure I’m doing it correctly.

[ 10 comments ]
2007-12-19

Me learning how to bake would be like giving a pyromaniac a blowtorch:     

I manage to do enough damage without direct access to the poison.

[ 1 comments ]
2007-12-19

A good haircut is like a seat on the subway in the morning:     

It’s great when I get one, but I’ve given up on hoping for it, and am used to functioning without it.

[ 3 comments ]
2007-12-14

Drinking tea instead of coffee is like masturbating instead of having sex.     

(no explanation necessary)

[ 10 comments ]
2007-12-12

A world where Will Smith is the last human alive is like a bowl containing one M&M:     

Maybe it’d be better if it was empty.

[ 5 comments ]
2007-12-11

Comic Sans is like professional wrestling:     

You used to like it, but will only admit that around certain people.

[ 4 comments ]
2007-12-11

Watching bad improv comedy is like getting into a car accident:     

Every excruciating second seems to last for an hour, and, while you feel fortunate that you survived, you can’t stop thinking about how you could have avoided it.

[ 0 comments ]
2007-12-10

Raising a baby is like being lactose intolerant:     

You can’t enjoy the same things most people do, and your friends are kind of weirded out by it.

[ 3 comments ]
2007-12-07

Times New Roman is like the missionary position:     

It might be predictable, but it works.

[ 2 comments ]